Martinelli's Sparkling Cider


I can survive a lifetime with this. It's like having a dose of your favorite soda only made healthier (and a lot more expensive). Love it.

I was bullied

I was 7 years old when I entered 1st grade in elementary school. It's not crystal clear in my memory because I was so young but I can still remember two of my classmates back then -- they are twins. I can NEVER forget them not because of their special condition, but because of the hell they made me went through.

One of the twins, a girl, during exam days, she would threaten me that she will put me to jail through her parents if I won't let her copy my exam papers. As a kid, so young and so naive, those were very strong words. Of course I still don't know I should commit a crime first before I'll be put behind bars. Maybe, what's running through my mind at that time was she really can put me to jail because I know their family is very rich. It scared me, so I didn't have a choice but to let her copy my paper.

It happened not just once, not just twice, but many times. Like me, she made it to the list of students who will take an early exam at the end of the year, which we consider a privilege because only those on top of the class make it. Simply put, I made her grades go up (she's not really smart). At the very last exam week, she still copied on my exam papers. Right now, I'm thinking, I don't know how we made it that a teacher never caught us cheating. I really cannot remember.

Her brother, her twin, also threatened me. Until now, I still cannot share what he made me do.. I still cannot swallow what I did for him.. Even now as a grown-up, I still think what I did back then for him is something very embarrassing and very degrading.. It's an experience I have never shared to anyone. With the same threat of putting me to jail, It left me no choice but to follow him.

Two years ago, I met one of the twins who bullied me. It was a gathering party with my batch mates. She's a very pretty lady, the type that most men would like in just one glance. She came with her boyfriend.  She shared to us (of course without the guy she's with hearing) she has another boyfriend and that the man she's with was just a toy for her. What a crooked attitude for a very pretty-looking girl, I thought. We really didn't talk much because I don't like talking to her. It was just a hi-hello-how-are-you conversation and that's it.

The funny thing is, I really don't hate her now. I didn't have the urge to take revenge. Despite the absence of hatred, I felt uncomfortable when she was around (as for her twin brother, I've never seen him again.) because I still remember what she did to me -- making me worry to death that I'll be jailed when I was still 7. I realized I never held grudge against them. Maybe I've forgiven her and her brother. Probably they didn't know what they were doing to me back then was totally wrong.  I forgave them but I never really forget. It's a cliche but that's just how it is for me. Maybe, I'll just blame it to the innocence of youth.

I've never told my parents I was bullied. Never. Maybe I was really good in hiding it that they never noticed. I shared this with my two best friends, only about the girl bullying me but I still kept the fact that I was also bullied by her twin brother. When they heard about it, they just laughed at me saying I was so stupid back then believing her threats to me. I just laughed with them saying, "I really don't have a choice!" But at the back of my mind, in my heart, I was hurt. Why I don't want to share this to my parents? I can imagine they will react the same way as my best friends did. They'll just laugh at me, saying it's really stupid. It will just hurt me more.

On the surface, it really is stupid. But for me who was bullied, it's something serious no matter how ridiculous the threat was. Maybe, no one else can really understand how I felt at that time but someone who was also a victim of bullies. I don't know. Maybe we have to be on the same boat to feel the same way how waves rock the boat.

What made me write this? I recently watched "Gran Torino" and "青い鳥" (Aoi Tori). Both movies are centered on kids who are victims of bullying. I can relate somehow. Good thing, I'm not suicidal.




**Bullying is not a laughing matter.

Standing at the Edge of the Earth by Blessid Union of Souls



One of my favorites. A fairly old song from Blessid Union of Souls. A very emotional love song but the melody is not at all cheesy. I really love it.

タニザワトモフミ(Tanizawa Tomofumi)

I really love his songs. Listening to him is like having my favorite frozen dessert on a hot Saturday afternoon..

Rants

Ah, so we're not friends -- cos I didn't see my name. Fine, then we're not.
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When will the re-blocking end?
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It'll be my first time on Friday. I'm worried and excited at the same time.
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It's all work and no play for me. I wonder when can I go strolling without worrying about my job?