al
I almost forgot the wonder of Filipino music.
Migraine by Moonstar88 is about being lost and confused because of loving from a distance. It's all about getting mixed signals -- more like a mutual understanding gone wrong. It's all about asking if there's still a chance for two people to be together.
The complexities of love make it painful and exciting at the same time.
I think I'm in love, I think
He's like a turtle in a box.
He's happy living in his own world and nobody can change it for him.
Once he made up his mind about something, he won't budge. Not an inch.
He likes saying,
"I don't care."
I told him,
"Try saying, 'I don't mind,' instead."
He just doesn't give a damn about the world.
He just cares about his survival, I think.
I once asked him,
"Are you happy?"
He replied,
"I'm just okay."
"What makes you happy then?"
"A funny joke."
His answers are so simple but it always makes sense.
Don't take me wrong.
He is smart.
We argue a lot.
Or should I say, we debate a lot.
He knows his views.
He is steadfast about it.
Most of the time he gives me new perspectives on certain issues.
I thank him for that.
But not rarely we agree on something.
It's just not common.
I told him,
"You should make new friends!"
He answered,
"No, no, no, no, no."
"Why not? Oh yeah, you're not friendly. I get it."
It's wrong but I always try to change him.
He's a good sport.
He accepts criticisms like I do.
He puts up a tough front.
I know he still has a soft spot.
Or should I say I'm hoping there is.
Sometimes I think his weakness created his armor.
I know there are so many things he's still hiding.
Especially his frustrations.
In spite of it all, I like him.
I honestly like him.
I think I told him I like him.
I just want to be there for him.
That's why I'm waiting.
I will wait for I don't know how long.
I miss you!
Sunday afternoon
I really love the weather today! The sun is shining, the wind is blowing and the sky is glowing blue! I was supposed to take a photo of the wonderful ambience outside turns out my sister brought the camera with her. *grunts* Still, I love this afternoon weather! It makes me want to just have my siesta.. Hmmm..*drooping eyes*
To quit or not to quit? Part II
I have another reason to think twice in continuing my part-time. There's no exclusivity anymore. I don't mean anything bad but I just lost the appetite I used to have. Sukoshi. Only Takuya-san keeps me holding on! Yeah! *smiles*
Back to the usual
Therefore I conclude, I can't stay away from doing this. Fine. I don't think I have to torture myself with abstinence. It's just ridiculous. What has transpired I cannot re-do. Just next I'll be extra careful in talking. Talk about the power of words! Like I always say, I'm not a difficult person. I only mirror you.
Kamenashi so Gay
Kamenashi, you give me the creeps when you dance like this! But I still think you're adorable and a real entertainer. While watching this I was almost shock when you were half-naked (maybe because all along you sexy-danced like a woman).But you really looked so damn manly with the samurai, the sweaty-look and your lipstick-stained cheeks! Kamenashi is so gay and I love it!
Idle
I'll avoid blogging for now because I'm trying to avoid someone. I hope I can keep up with this.
Please kill me now
I am a bad person.
I know I am because I know myself.
I lied to my parents when I was in 4th year high school.
I hurt my dog when he tries to steal our cat's food.
I sometimes don't share my psp with my brother.
I cheated in my Physics class.
I did not attend my grandfather's funeral.
I do not greet my friends happy birthday.
I complain a lot in my part-time job.
I am lazy in helping at home.
I am sometimes late at work.
I use my sister's clothes without permission.
I know when to be bad, and when to do good.
You can hate me now, now that you know.
If you don't like me as a friend, I understand.
If you don't want to talk to me anymore, I understand.
If you think I'm pure evil, I understand.
Right now, I am disgusted with myself.
I feel embarrassed with myself.
I want to bury myself deep on earth.
I want to drown myself into the ocean.
I want to throw myself into a hungry lion's den.
I want to stay inside my shell forever.
It's all because of a misunderstanding.
Just when I want to make someone happy, I offended him.
Just when I want to make him feel good, I made him feel bad.
Just when I want to comfort him, I made him feel awkward.
Just when I was trying to be a good person, he saw me as a bad person.
I'm hurt because I failed him.
I'm hurt because I failed him.
I'm hurt because I failed him.
I'm in pain because I am misunderstood.
Please kill me now.
I know I am because I know myself.
I lied to my parents when I was in 4th year high school.
I hurt my dog when he tries to steal our cat's food.
I sometimes don't share my psp with my brother.
I cheated in my Physics class.
I did not attend my grandfather's funeral.
I do not greet my friends happy birthday.
I complain a lot in my part-time job.
I am lazy in helping at home.
I am sometimes late at work.
I use my sister's clothes without permission.
I know when to be bad, and when to do good.
You can hate me now, now that you know.
If you don't like me as a friend, I understand.
If you don't want to talk to me anymore, I understand.
If you think I'm pure evil, I understand.
Right now, I am disgusted with myself.
I feel embarrassed with myself.
I want to bury myself deep on earth.
I want to drown myself into the ocean.
I want to throw myself into a hungry lion's den.
I want to stay inside my shell forever.
It's all because of a misunderstanding.
Just when I want to make someone happy, I offended him.
Just when I want to make him feel good, I made him feel bad.
Just when I want to comfort him, I made him feel awkward.
Just when I was trying to be a good person, he saw me as a bad person.
I'm hurt because I failed him.
I'm hurt because I failed him.
I'm hurt because I failed him.
I'm in pain because I am misunderstood.
Please kill me now.
Hwoarang (Tekken 6)
Alas! Today I found out Hwoarang is Korean. All the while I thought he's Chinese with a weird name. Now thinking about it, his name sounds like a Korean name. Thanks to Baek (I just finished playing his story line in Tekken 6) I found out that Hwoarang was his apprentice. Too bad Baek died saving him from Azazel. Since Tekken 3, Hwoarang has been one of my early favorites. Go Hwoarang! Let's avenge Baek!
To quit or not to quit?
Today is the first time I feel like quitting my part-time job. For days I've been feeling a little down, exhausted. What changed that made me want to quit? When I talk to friends over skype, I never really consider it as a job. But lately I've been missing them. People really just come and go.
Still half-hearted with this big decision, it's status quo for the meantime. I don't want to regret it anytime soon. It's either left or right, black or white, nothing in between.
Still half-hearted with this big decision, it's status quo for the meantime. I don't want to regret it anytime soon. It's either left or right, black or white, nothing in between.
Waiting
For me, waiting is like
...waiting for a train ride on a dirt road.
...waiting for a salmon to bite in a pond.
...waiting for snow to fall in a rainforest.
...waiting for a passing grade with all of the failed exams.
...waiting for a February 29 on 2011.
...waiting for an apple on a pear tree.
...waiting for a flower to bloom on the moon.
Every waiting time is pointless. Every time is hopeless. It just wouldn't come.
...waiting for a train ride on a dirt road.
...waiting for a salmon to bite in a pond.
...waiting for snow to fall in a rainforest.
...waiting for a passing grade with all of the failed exams.
...waiting for a February 29 on 2011.
...waiting for an apple on a pear tree.
...waiting for a flower to bloom on the moon.
Every waiting time is pointless. Every time is hopeless. It just wouldn't come.
Faraway by KAT-TUN
I loved this song the first time I heard it. It's a little sad, this song I mean. And it feels weird but it seemed like this has been the song of my life. My life has always been like this. Loving someone so faraway.(literally? figuratively?) and just simply hoping tomorrow will be a better day.
People easily forget
People easily forget people. I don't - especially when someone left a mark in my mind. It's just so unfair, that I think of him sometimes but he just never thought about me once. That's the main reason I try not to care, the reason I try not to connect with other people, the same reason I try to be indifferent. I know in the end I'll lose anyway.
The day I lost my Skype history
I mean my conversation history with all my contacts are gone.. Gone.. Gone.. (echo)
I'm sad! Who wouldn't be? I lost all the fun memories of my conversation with Takuya-san, Hiro-san, Shin-san, Eriko, Kei, Oyabun.. All.. I lost them all. It's like I lost my diary that I've been scribbling on for a year.. Those were not mere conversations.. For me those were memories that I keep on wanting to go over and over, again and again.. Just by reading the words I remember what were the words said.. I'm sad. I'm really sad..
Goodbye past.. Paalam.
I'm sad! Who wouldn't be? I lost all the fun memories of my conversation with Takuya-san, Hiro-san, Shin-san, Eriko, Kei, Oyabun.. All.. I lost them all. It's like I lost my diary that I've been scribbling on for a year.. Those were not mere conversations.. For me those were memories that I keep on wanting to go over and over, again and again.. Just by reading the words I remember what were the words said.. I'm sad. I'm really sad..
Goodbye past.. Paalam.
It's just a phase
No one can be forever happy nor be drowned in eternal sadness.
You'll soon grow tired from eating your favorite chocolate.
Even your well-loved pants someday you'll throw away because it won't fit you anymore.
The excitement you feel will slowly fade away and you'll return to your sulky old self.
The admiration once you felt towards someone will ebb thru time or your lack of interest towards someone can change into passion.
Even the love you feel towards your partner will be friendship when you two get old.
Moot point:
Almost everything in life is a phase. It's just a phase. Everything come and go- a reality of life no one has control over. Sometimes options come along - a rare chance to use our head to satisfy both our mind and heart.
You'll soon grow tired from eating your favorite chocolate.
Even your well-loved pants someday you'll throw away because it won't fit you anymore.
The excitement you feel will slowly fade away and you'll return to your sulky old self.
The admiration once you felt towards someone will ebb thru time or your lack of interest towards someone can change into passion.
Even the love you feel towards your partner will be friendship when you two get old.
Moot point:
Almost everything in life is a phase. It's just a phase. Everything come and go- a reality of life no one has control over. Sometimes options come along - a rare chance to use our head to satisfy both our mind and heart.
Worried, Worrying, Still Worrying
I feel unsure, uneasy, anxious, worried, *put-a-synonymous-word-here* these past few days cos I know something major will happen this week. Well, not to me at least, but to someone I know. I'm just unsure, uneasy, anxious, worried, *put-a-synonymous-word-here*. Sigh. *shivers*
I just hope everything will be fine and not so much will change after. I hope. I wish. I really hope.
I just hope everything will be fine and not so much will change after. I hope. I wish. I really hope.
Why don't they like me?
Yeah, I wonder why younger people or people my age don't like me?
Is it the way I talk?
The way I ask?
My voice?
My face?
I wonder why..
I wonder..
Is it the way I talk?
The way I ask?
My voice?
My face?
I wonder why..
I wonder..
Ebi Fry
It was December 31, 2011. I volunteered to cook something for the media noche and I instantly thought of cooking tempura! I think it was easier than I thought. The hard part was the preparation of the shrimps especially getting off the shells and the deveining. Imagine cooking hundreds of tempura! *shivers* The rest was a breeze. I just had to be a little fast in coating each piece of the shrimp and then deep-frying it. I can't say it was perfect because I didn't get the golden color that I saw on the video recipe but the taste was just like any other tempura that I tried. My brother even said it tasted like tempura from the restaurants. *blush!blush!* It was worth spending a hot time in the kitchen! It was fun!
I know Kyouhei (Takano) loves ebi fry but I didn't purposely cook this for him. *giggles* But I wish Kamenashi, ah I mean Kyouhei will love this when he sees this! *blush*
Why January 1 is Perfect!
Okay. So I was wrong. Turns out I'll be happy for the first day of the year (010111). Though I can't say it's a good sign that 2011 will be my year, not really. I'm not the type who asks and believes in signs cos for me everyday is a new day. So, why is January 1 is superb?
But honestly, just having the chance to talk to him again really made my day! Ah, talking about the power of communication. It was just perfect. I don't want to hope but I think unconsciously I'm hoping 2011 will not just be a good, normal year for me but a year that will overshadow 2010 (I graduated, got my first job and got my license). I don't want to hope but I think unconsciously I'm hoping 2011 will be the year I'll grow holistically (HINT: ai). Gosh, it's something out of my hands.
To 2011, please be great to me! Onegaishimasu!
- I woke up 11am. I had a very deep and long sleep.
- I literally stayed on my bed until 5pm (with a few bathroom and water breaks).
- I missed breakfast and lunch! I know it's wrong but it meant fewer calories to burn.
- I talked to my favorite Japanese friend for a long time and told me today was not the last day for us to talk!
- Someone played guitar and sang to me 3 times! Twice "I Wanna See You" by Abe Mao and "Imagine" of John Lennon. Well, the playing and the saying were not really FOR me. Someone just played and sang to me. Honestly, the whole time while listening I was smiling and my head was swinging side to side. I don't know, my body just reacted that way with the song "I wanna see you". But yeah, I was genuinely happy listening!
- I saw snow in Japan real time! I mean yeah I see snow in movies and tv programs and all but it felt different because I saw it as it was happening. At first I thought it was just raining because the road was wet (almost deserted) and I really didn't see anything falling from the grey skies. After opening the window (after hearing the noise of a table being dragged closer the window?) I finally saw minute of white stuff falling from the skies! (that I assume quickly melts on the ground hence the wet road) Sigh! I was genuinely excited and happy seeing it! (crazy right?) He got so cold and everything just so I can see the snow. *smiles* Arigatougozaimashita!
But honestly, just having the chance to talk to him again really made my day! Ah, talking about the power of communication. It was just perfect. I don't want to hope but I think unconsciously I'm hoping 2011 will not just be a good, normal year for me but a year that will overshadow 2010 (I graduated, got my first job and got my license). I don't want to hope but I think unconsciously I'm hoping 2011 will be the year I'll grow holistically (HINT: ai). Gosh, it's something out of my hands.
To 2011, please be great to me! Onegaishimasu!
Why January 1 sucks.
I don't know the exact reason myself. Actually I've only greeted four people a happy new year. <- irrelevant. Maybe i expected something to happen but it didn't. Actually it did happen only it was not as I thought it will be. Too much for expectations. (Here I go again with my hallucinations. HINT: expectations=hallucinations) Then the worst part is I don't want to do it today (January 1) because I just don't feel like it, I lost my gusto for it for starters, but someone requested so I obliged.
Now the question is, should I let this hallucination devour me again? I know it's over even before it started. I mean there's no point cos I know it leads me nowhere. But, if I didn't take a risk (I call it a risk but I'm enjoying while I'm at it) then I wouldn't know how it will turn out if I didn't try. But (another but) I've been there before so many times I've memorized the direction and I always end up at the same finish line. But (so many buts!) what if this time it's different? Wah! Should I give myself another episode of false hope? Ugh. I really don't know.
1st of January 2011 simply sucks. What a way to start a new year.
Now the question is, should I let this hallucination devour me again? I know it's over even before it started. I mean there's no point cos I know it leads me nowhere. But, if I didn't take a risk (I call it a risk but I'm enjoying while I'm at it) then I wouldn't know how it will turn out if I didn't try. But (another but) I've been there before so many times I've memorized the direction and I always end up at the same finish line. But (so many buts!) what if this time it's different? Wah! Should I give myself another episode of false hope? Ugh. I really don't know.
1st of January 2011 simply sucks. What a way to start a new year.
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