Marshmallow

Just when I thought I'll end my day well this crappy internet connection ruined it all.

And it's one of my sicknesses. I really, really, really find it hard to get over something that emotionally affected me -- whether I was embarrassed no matter how big or small the audience is, or if I felt I frustrated anyone I know and care of.

For me past is not past. The emotions were carried over to the present no matter how long ago it happened. Maybe that explains why there are still many embarrassing and frustrating moments of my life that I cannot bear to recount because doing so means the resurfacing of the bitter and depressing emotions.

Being a worrywart and a paranoid make it worse. What will the people think of me now? Is he angry at me? What should I do? *fret*fret*fret* In the long run it affects my performance at work, school, or even my appetite in doing anything. Sometimes I would find myself staring into nothingness drowning in the negative thoughts.

Does that mean I'm not the progressive type because I care so much about my past? Not really. I think it is the opposite. I worry so much on what might happen tomorrow because of what happened yesterday. How will yesterday affect tomorrow? Will he hold grudge against me and never talk to me again? Will the people consider me a low-life after what they have witnessed? Did I do the right thing? Should I have done something else? Unless I have done something that can confirm that my assumptions were wrong, I'll forever be in  realm of paranoia and frustration.

So tonight, I'll sleep thinking if I made him mad. I'm hoping I'm wrong. There's nothing I can do but to wait until I am able to talk to him again and ask if we're still good. Good thing marshmallow was concocted to accompany me in such a down moment.