I'm like a kid who will stop crying at the sight of a basket of sweets. I'm like a gold fish that has very short attention span. I'm like our dog who will stop anything he does when I threaten him I'll take him to bath.
I need to put my acts together. I need to lock my focus on the prize. I need to think what will happen if I miss the bullseye. I need to start now.
GUILTY!!
I did it even if I swore I won't. I ate at McDonald's! Wah! My friends made me do it. And I'm hungry. I've only had my heavy breakfast before that, coffee and a few pieces of salted pretzels and it was already 6:30pm. I had Berry McFlurry. Nothing else. It's sweet with the what-they-call-blueberry and graham crackers. It's so sweet and grainy, and cold, and soft, and sweet. Oh, did I mention it was sweet? Yeah it is. It's so sweet that I felt I might have a sore throat afterwards. (I try not to drink water because I need to take a ride home.)
There goes my dignity down the drain. At least I'll stick to not eating their meat and preservative-loaded fries. *nod*nod*
There goes my dignity down the drain. At least I'll stick to not eating their meat and preservative-loaded fries. *nod*nod*
Two sides of a coin - China & Philippines
There's no way I can avoid hearing about it and I'm sick of it. I tried to be apathetic concerning the issue but it's a matter that greatly affected even the innocent.
Trip gone wrong
I don't want to dwell on the details because you can read about it everywhere. And it really makes me want to throw-up. That's just how sick it is. It reflects how deep-seated the corruption is in the Philippine system -- considering the defense/military receives the biggest budget allotment as always. Who's to blame? That's a question similar to the egg and chicken dilemma. One needs to dive into history books that recounts what ancient historians thought to be significant and to be worth writing. Some say it's the Spaniards who started it all while Miriam Defensor-Santiago said it was the Chinese. I don't know. But I think finger-pointing at this time won't resolve anything. The most important thing to remember, NO ONE wanted this to happen.
Reasonable rage
The Chinese's rage is bone-deep. It's an expected emotional response from someone deeply-wounded. Chinese people have all the rights to be angry. They can rally in the Philippine embassies in Hongkong and China all they want. It's a human right for speech. They can draw caricature Noynoy and make fun of it. It's a normal part of newpapers here in the Philippines to see funny and degrading caricature of (put a name of a local/foreign politician here). It's a right. They can make effigies of Noynoy and burn it in front of the media. It's a normal part of the program of a rally here in the Philippines especially during Arroyo's term. They can publish articles, blogs or even simple comments in any form of media they want expressing their angst and indignation. It's their right.
We, too, are angry you know
All of us (my family that is) were thinking of the same thing while watching the intense blow-by-blow account of the media that night - we all were hoping that Robocop or Superman or even Doraemon will come out from nowhere to put an end to the drama. Mama found it hard to concentrate in cooking dinner because she was to and fro the kitchen and living area keeping tabs on the news. There was a point we were pushing her to just stay put in the kitchen and try not to listen because she was totally affected. It seemed like she can't breathe properly, stamping her feet requesting us to turn the television off because of the intensity of the situation. She was totally worried on how it will end. It was too much for her to handle. It applied to all of us. We just held on the news because we want to know how it was going. And the joy we felt when we saw moving figures inside the bus -- we were all clapping and thanking God.
Why Filipinos in general?
Given, it's reasonable to be outraged but why to ALL Filipinos? It's not just to blame all Filipinos to what happened. We condemn that act. We condemn the suspect. It's not the fault of the innocent domestic worker in Hongkong why those innocent people died. Is it really how narrow-minded Chinese people are to think that all Filipinos will do the same thing? Will one psychopath's fault destroy the thread-thin reputation of the country? Using emotion as a reason is bullshit. As leaders they should have thought better. They should go a mile farther in understanding the situation.
It happens all the time
8 people dying really is a huge blow. But as one DJ from a radio station explained, there are also many Filipinos die outside the country mainly because of abuse, maltreatment and in some cases executed as ordered by a foreign court. It can be in Dubai, Singapore, Saudi, Hongkong, name it. Is there a difference? NO. But for some, yes there is. One, it can be easily solved. It's just that Filipino policemen seemed amateur that they were not able to handle the situation without turning into a bloodshed. Maybe it was a major news because 8 casualties in a single incident compared to just one Filipino who died because her employer tied her with a rope then dragged her with his car. The point is, countless Filipinos die because of UNREASONABLE behavior of numerous foreigners but Filipinos NEVER hated an entire country because of it. And the world never considered it as a big news even if the way of death is way more sickening compared to the death of 8.
Let's compare!
Losing 8 lives from the Chinese population is a big thing. As I said, it was sensationalized by the media that's why. What about looking at how some Chinese operate in the Philippines and its effects for example. Ever heard of a big drug syndicate roaming the Philippines making illegal drugs available almost everywhere? I wonder how many families were destroyed, how many crimes were committed because of suspects under the influence of illegal drugs? What about pirated DVDs? I wonder how it affected the Filipino movie industry?Fake LV bags? Fake money? What about contaminated milk formula? Nasty. Dangerous beauty products? I wonder how many Filipinos are affected because of these 'activities' of the Chinese? I'm not saying only Chinese people are the mechanism in these 'activities'. If Filipinos are irrational people, not a single Chinese is living here in the Philippines.
Aftermath
Now the Philippines is hanging by a thread. Of all countries we messed up with China. I'm not politically and economically knowledgeable about the relationship between the two but I know China plays a big part.
I have a few Chinese friends, some acquaintances. I don't hate Chinese people in general. Though I admit I don't trust Chinese products and I hate some Chinese businessmen like Lucio Tan. I also hate Chinese movies for a reason irrelevant to this blog. I just want to prove my point that we should not generalize and all nationalities have their own rotten sides. I know I also had a tendency to generalize but it was something I learned the hard way. It's just plain ridiculous for one man's fault to create a gap between the two countries.
Thanks but no thanks
I'm craving for a Big Mac today. I'm hungry. Oooh. I want it with large french fries. Wah. Never mind the soda. I want pineapple juice.
I pass by it everyday going to my review. In the air wafting is the smell of their fried chicken. Not really tempted for their chicken because I like Jollibee's better. What I like the best in their menu is the fries. Ah. Potatoes. I know they're not potatoes and God knows what it really is. I don't really want to know. *cower* Fries makes my day. It's my comfort food. It was until I saw lots of video about it.
Not only french fries video (how long its shelf life is) but also their burger, nuggets and chicken dishes. It broke my heart. I've been seeing PETA condemning McDonald's. I'm moved by it. I love animals. I love them better than unhealthy food. (Though I cannot swear I can be a vegan nor avoid other fastfood) I wonder if there's a controversy about their ice cream. That I still have to be vigilant about.
Now I decided I won't eat in McDonald's ever again. I'd rather go on a hunger strike than eat there. I'm also encouraging friends to do the same. Hmmm. I think they just had lunch there yesterday.
Anyway, goodbye fat food, i mean, fastfood.
I pass by it everyday going to my review. In the air wafting is the smell of their fried chicken. Not really tempted for their chicken because I like Jollibee's better. What I like the best in their menu is the fries. Ah. Potatoes. I know they're not potatoes and God knows what it really is. I don't really want to know. *cower* Fries makes my day. It's my comfort food. It was until I saw lots of video about it.
Not only french fries video (how long its shelf life is) but also their burger, nuggets and chicken dishes. It broke my heart. I've been seeing PETA condemning McDonald's. I'm moved by it. I love animals. I love them better than unhealthy food. (Though I cannot swear I can be a vegan nor avoid other fastfood) I wonder if there's a controversy about their ice cream. That I still have to be vigilant about.
Now I decided I won't eat in McDonald's ever again. I'd rather go on a hunger strike than eat there. I'm also encouraging friends to do the same. Hmmm. I think they just had lunch there yesterday.
Anyway, goodbye fat food, i mean, fastfood.
Reality didn't bite
It was just a dream. I was so into it to the point I thought it was the real thing. It's like I'm a sponge. Apparently solid but is hole-filled in the inside. I am easily absorbed by my own hallucinations.
I felt the rush of icy water down my spine that woke me up. Now I'm numb. At the back of my mind I'm thinking, at least I enjoyed it while I was still at it.
I felt the rush of icy water down my spine that woke me up. Now I'm numb. At the back of my mind I'm thinking, at least I enjoyed it while I was still at it.
Slumber party
I really don't have much time now. I really should bury myself into reading. But I can't help it. Argh. I super love this stolen shot. T'was a Monday morning. No one wants to wake up. Each of us created our own territory, not to mention our sleeping positions.
It's not what you think it is
Direct approach -- something that works but sometimes doesn't.
He asks me questions a normal guy wouldn't ask. He would stay up late for me. He would show concern not a normal guy would portray. How should I take it? I'm not really a Maria Clara through and through but I am conservative.So I decided it was a friendly 'concern'. And I was right.
He talked to me almost every night. Waste his precious time just talking to me. It came to a point that I was waiting for him. More like a routine. Pathetic but I did. How should I take it? I'm not really a Maria Clara through and through but I am conservative. So I decided it was a friendly 'obligation'. And I was right.
He told me he likes me. No nothing. He just told me he likes me. Not just once. More than twice. How should take it? Romantically? As a friend? I'm not really a Maria Clara through and through but I am conservative. So I decided it was a friendly 'like'. And I was right.
Moot point: It's not what you think it is. They tell you it's yellow but you should understand that it's mustard yellow.
Times like these I really am grateful God gave me common sense.
He asks me questions a normal guy wouldn't ask. He would stay up late for me. He would show concern not a normal guy would portray. How should I take it? I'm not really a Maria Clara through and through but I am conservative.So I decided it was a friendly 'concern'. And I was right.
He talked to me almost every night. Waste his precious time just talking to me. It came to a point that I was waiting for him. More like a routine. Pathetic but I did. How should I take it? I'm not really a Maria Clara through and through but I am conservative. So I decided it was a friendly 'obligation'. And I was right.
He told me he likes me. No nothing. He just told me he likes me. Not just once. More than twice. How should take it? Romantically? As a friend? I'm not really a Maria Clara through and through but I am conservative. So I decided it was a friendly 'like'. And I was right.
Moot point: It's not what you think it is. They tell you it's yellow but you should understand that it's mustard yellow.
Times like these I really am grateful God gave me common sense.
Conversation
I've been doing this for more than half a year out of routine.
Is it really out of routine?
Nah. To be honest, if not for my favorite Japanese people, I would have quit doing it ages ago. Or yeah, maybe it really is out of habit: my habit of talking to my favorite people.
Is it tiring?
Physically, definitely not. Mentally, not so much though sometimes it can be. There were just some whom I cannot really talk about the practical stuff, that I have to dive into their realm, to dig deep into the untouched parts of my brain to come up with creative questions to keep the ball rolling.
The pay
Not so much but it doesn't really matter. I mean, it does but, what the heck, it's just part-time! I don't expect to be rich just by doing it. And it's just temporary, more like a phase.
The downside
It's frustrating sometimes. Lalo na pag puro open pa eh anong petsa na?! And when I go and check the evaluation part, *pretending to cover my eyes* I'll understand how they feel about me. Sasabihin nila, "I really enjoy talking to you," tapos bibigyan ka ng tres. Minsan pa nga uno! Shit pag ganun. It's depressing. I try to convince myself it doesn't matter but sometimes I can't get myself out of it. Maybe as a tutor I don't care but for self-evaluation, it proves how unlikely someone will like me. More like a reality check.
Put-your-image-here
It keeps my imagination alive. I wonder how s/he looks like? Sometimes I come up with my own images based on their voices. It's fun. It's like reading an adventure book, you come up with the setting as you read along complete with all the details. Also it makes me think how they do things the Japanese way. Sometimes I catch myself looking at my watch then suddenly ask, "I wonder how did his interview go? How many dates did he have the last week? What gift did he buy for his wife?" Then all these images filled with my made-up faces and made-up background will run through my mind until I am distracted. It's pathetic to think about other people who don't give a damn about me. But I can't help it.
The other side of the fence
It's fun because I get to meet people from different walks of life who I wouldn't really get the chance to talk with in normal life. Lots of different personalities too. I learn how to deal with them my way. Haha.
Making friends
Officially I have one. Haha. He said we've been friends since we first talked. I feel flattered. Someone already considered me as a friend without me knowing. Honestly it's flattering. It will really be nice to make friends but to ask, "Are we friends?" is really embarrassing. No matter how much I want to ask them I just don't have the guts to ask.
Perty, ah, pretty
Di rin ako makapaniwala may magsasabi sakin nun. Maybe that's the reason I often change my skype photo aside from my mood swings.
Favorite, peyborit
I have. *blush!blush!*
RareJob, what an experience.
Is it really out of routine?
Nah. To be honest, if not for my favorite Japanese people, I would have quit doing it ages ago. Or yeah, maybe it really is out of habit: my habit of talking to my favorite people.
Is it tiring?
Physically, definitely not. Mentally, not so much though sometimes it can be. There were just some whom I cannot really talk about the practical stuff, that I have to dive into their realm, to dig deep into the untouched parts of my brain to come up with creative questions to keep the ball rolling.
The pay
Not so much but it doesn't really matter. I mean, it does but, what the heck, it's just part-time! I don't expect to be rich just by doing it. And it's just temporary, more like a phase.
The downside
It's frustrating sometimes. Lalo na pag puro open pa eh anong petsa na?! And when I go and check the evaluation part, *pretending to cover my eyes* I'll understand how they feel about me. Sasabihin nila, "I really enjoy talking to you," tapos bibigyan ka ng tres. Minsan pa nga uno! Shit pag ganun. It's depressing. I try to convince myself it doesn't matter but sometimes I can't get myself out of it. Maybe as a tutor I don't care but for self-evaluation, it proves how unlikely someone will like me. More like a reality check.
Put-your-image-here
It keeps my imagination alive. I wonder how s/he looks like? Sometimes I come up with my own images based on their voices. It's fun. It's like reading an adventure book, you come up with the setting as you read along complete with all the details. Also it makes me think how they do things the Japanese way. Sometimes I catch myself looking at my watch then suddenly ask, "I wonder how did his interview go? How many dates did he have the last week? What gift did he buy for his wife?" Then all these images filled with my made-up faces and made-up background will run through my mind until I am distracted. It's pathetic to think about other people who don't give a damn about me. But I can't help it.
The other side of the fence
It's fun because I get to meet people from different walks of life who I wouldn't really get the chance to talk with in normal life. Lots of different personalities too. I learn how to deal with them my way. Haha.
Making friends
Officially I have one. Haha. He said we've been friends since we first talked. I feel flattered. Someone already considered me as a friend without me knowing. Honestly it's flattering. It will really be nice to make friends but to ask, "Are we friends?" is really embarrassing. No matter how much I want to ask them I just don't have the guts to ask.
Perty, ah, pretty
Di rin ako makapaniwala may magsasabi sakin nun. Maybe that's the reason I often change my skype photo aside from my mood swings.
Favorite, peyborit
I have. *blush!blush!*
RareJob, what an experience.
Booty Music by Git Fresh
I'm loving this song. This is one of the rare occasions
that I loved a song because of its melody and to top it off it's a
club-ish music. It's catchy. Never mind the
lyrics because it's so not me.
Folio
These are not my designs. These are just few of my renderings back in my college days.
Baroque Commode watercolor pencil, water color, pen on egg shell paper
-- I also had a small prototype of this. It just looks impossible to be done with the satyr and the detailed cabriole legs!
Maranao chest
Water color on egg shell paper
-- traditional chest of the Maranao. This is not really one of my favorite renderings because this was a total disaster. It's supposed to have mother of pearl inlays and others.
Cassone
watercolor pencil, watercolor on egg shell paper
-- Italian Renaissance marriage chest; It would be nice to receive one on my wedding!
Camel-back sofa watercolor pencil, watercolor on egg shell paper
Roman tripod table colored pencil on oslo paper
-- This is one of my early favorites. I did this on my first year.
Bulol watercolor pencil, watercolor on watercolor paper -- traditional stool of the indigenous people in the Cordilleras, Northern part of the Philippines; made of carved wood
George II tripod table pen on egg shell paper -- pie-crust top, ball and claw foot, bird-cage base
Butaca watercolor on watercolor paper -- traditional Filipino lounge chair
Mesa Altar watercolor on watercolor paper -- traditional Filipino altar table
Almario watercolor on watercolor paper -- traditional Filipino storage piece for sleeping materials; derived from the Spanish armario
Bastonero watercolor on watercolor paper -- traditional Filipino cane rack; Usually found in caida together with the gallinera for the guests.
WW stool by Philippe Starck colored pencil on oslo paper
Hard to Quit
It's not necessary that you have to be addicted to something. Sometimes having it as a routine is enough to make you feel uncomfortable when you don't get the chance to do it as usual. And too bad that I'm the type who strictly sticks with my planned day.
***********
***********
I lost something; It's not about how big or small it is. It's more of the opportunity that I feel sorry about. People who caused this, even if it was just by accident that it happened, should be held responsible.
Nothing's Changed
Wah. I'm drifting farther. Good thing I still have my floaters with me.
I'm not drowning. No. Still little by little I'm being devoured by the angry waves and chilly winds. The bad thing is I don't see any signs of help; a sailing boat nor a chopper overhead. I still have this throbbing cut bothering me. The worse thing is the storm seems like it has no plans to cease. It dampens my chances of being saved. Maybe i have to wait for a few more days, no, maybe months. Argh! I wish I hadn't started this. If only I knew where it would lead me, and how it will leave me helpless.
What should I do? What can I do? Can I still save myself?
I'm not drowning. No. Still little by little I'm being devoured by the angry waves and chilly winds. The bad thing is I don't see any signs of help; a sailing boat nor a chopper overhead. I still have this throbbing cut bothering me. The worse thing is the storm seems like it has no plans to cease. It dampens my chances of being saved. Maybe i have to wait for a few more days, no, maybe months. Argh! I wish I hadn't started this. If only I knew where it would lead me, and how it will leave me helpless.
What should I do? What can I do? Can I still save myself?
Marshmallow
Just when I thought I'll end my day well this crappy internet connection ruined it all.
And it's one of my sicknesses. I really, really, really find it hard to get over something that emotionally affected me -- whether I was embarrassed no matter how big or small the audience is, or if I felt I frustrated anyone I know and care of.
For me past is not past. The emotions were carried over to the present no matter how long ago it happened. Maybe that explains why there are still many embarrassing and frustrating moments of my life that I cannot bear to recount because doing so means the resurfacing of the bitter and depressing emotions.
Being a worrywart and a paranoid make it worse. What will the people think of me now? Is he angry at me? What should I do? *fret*fret*fret* In the long run it affects my performance at work, school, or even my appetite in doing anything. Sometimes I would find myself staring into nothingness drowning in the negative thoughts.
Does that mean I'm not the progressive type because I care so much about my past? Not really. I think it is the opposite. I worry so much on what might happen tomorrow because of what happened yesterday. How will yesterday affect tomorrow? Will he hold grudge against me and never talk to me again? Will the people consider me a low-life after what they have witnessed? Did I do the right thing? Should I have done something else? Unless I have done something that can confirm that my assumptions were wrong, I'll forever be in realm of paranoia and frustration.
So tonight, I'll sleep thinking if I made him mad. I'm hoping I'm wrong. There's nothing I can do but to wait until I am able to talk to him again and ask if we're still good. Good thing marshmallow was concocted to accompany me in such a down moment.
And it's one of my sicknesses. I really, really, really find it hard to get over something that emotionally affected me -- whether I was embarrassed no matter how big or small the audience is, or if I felt I frustrated anyone I know and care of.
For me past is not past. The emotions were carried over to the present no matter how long ago it happened. Maybe that explains why there are still many embarrassing and frustrating moments of my life that I cannot bear to recount because doing so means the resurfacing of the bitter and depressing emotions.
Being a worrywart and a paranoid make it worse. What will the people think of me now? Is he angry at me? What should I do? *fret*fret*fret* In the long run it affects my performance at work, school, or even my appetite in doing anything. Sometimes I would find myself staring into nothingness drowning in the negative thoughts.
Does that mean I'm not the progressive type because I care so much about my past? Not really. I think it is the opposite. I worry so much on what might happen tomorrow because of what happened yesterday. How will yesterday affect tomorrow? Will he hold grudge against me and never talk to me again? Will the people consider me a low-life after what they have witnessed? Did I do the right thing? Should I have done something else? Unless I have done something that can confirm that my assumptions were wrong, I'll forever be in realm of paranoia and frustration.
So tonight, I'll sleep thinking if I made him mad. I'm hoping I'm wrong. There's nothing I can do but to wait until I am able to talk to him again and ask if we're still good. Good thing marshmallow was concocted to accompany me in such a down moment.
Missing
I browsed through my multiply account and realized I wrote quite a few blogs there. And this particular one I think is memorable. It's simple, direct to the point and until now I can still remember how I felt when I wrote it.
Miss, miss, miss na kita. ('09 May 16 10:33pm)
Miss, miss, miss na kita. ('09 May 16 10:33pm)
I miss U.P.
I miss studying.
I miss sleeping.
I miss my bed.
I miss the morning sun waking me up on my bed.
I miss sleeping without worrying to wake up early.
I miss Clarisse.
I miss Ira.
I miss Dagny and Vera.
I miss walking in Philcoa on my way to school.
I miss taking the Ikot and Toki.
I miss the green mango and bagoong of Manong in FC.
I miss the afternoon sun drowning our living room.
I miss a nice, relaxing free time.
I miss watching a good movie.
I miss reading a good book.
I miss taking down notes.
I miss IDS' drafting table.
I miss the school setting.
I miss eating in CASAA.
I miss the cold and old CHE lib.
I miss going home early.
I miss researching the old-fashioned way.
I miss rendering.
I miss doing nothing.
Eyes
I realized how far apart we are. We can never meet halfway though once I hoped we might. I just gave up chasing on the possibility. Now I realized I drowned in the possibilities, possibilities that's almost next to a make believe world. Good thing some things kept me afloat, dragged me back to reality. Now I know where I stand, how to control my toxic thoughts and anchor myself to my priorities. Tough? Not really. Piece of cake. It's healthier though.
Pressure and Creativity
Creativity can be defined in lots of ways. It's not strictly confined in the realm of arts though it's the first thing that comes to mind whenever the word is mentioned. Does it have something to do with pressure?
I usually become creative when pressure sets in, creativity in anything but design. Mostly stresses from work and review usually get the best of me but not in a way that it causes me to snap or to be overly-emotional (or maybe I did cry once out of helplessness and pressure) about the trivial things. Instead, my brain cells suddenly gets busy working on the non-essentials -- things that have totally nothing to do with what I am supposed to be focusing my energy on. Or I can say stress makes my brain bone dry but toppled with pressure I would instantly find a plump, ripe and fresh part of it waiting to be squeezed.
Like for example these past few months I've been busy reviewing for an exam and as THE date approaches so is pressure. Suddenly my creative juices make me do stuff that I've never thought before of doing or I stopped doing. Or should I say I would condition myself to do something first before dealing with the more important stuff, that is reviewing. One pre-requisite to reviewing is cleaning and decorating my room. (I thought it would really be helpful if I will create a sanctuary on my own where I can spend the time on alone). I've never cleaned my room for months. I haven't actually slept on my bed in my room I think for almost a year now. Instead of hitting the books and reviewers a strong invisible force pushes me to tidy the space a little bit, throw away the papers piling up underneath and behind my desk, segregating the still usable stuff from the not. All in all I threw away an ergo chair, 3 plastic bags of artsy-fartsy things, and a kilo of illustration boards. It cleared up some space a little in my room which delighted Mama. And in the process of cleaning I saw my old stack of swatches (sample materials for design finishes) including this 'book' of expensive and imported upholstery fabrics. Seeing it sparked some inspiration. I thought how could I just throw away something so expensive? So I decided to make a tapestry out of it. Good thing the fabrics are in uniform sizes making it easier to compose and to sew. I even got mama to help me do it! Though it's still a process on going and it's something I wouldn't do in such a normal situation. And there's another one. I was suppose to browse through the net for the paintings and painters for my review. I saw my skype photo and it has been my photo for a week now (It's my habit changing it a day or so) so I decided to make a self-portrait of me in the computer which again I would never thought of doing under normal circumstances.
Is it wrong? Maybe it is. I am wasting my energy with the insignificant things. Though now I'm thinking, maybe it's my brain's way of coping with the pressure. I cannot force my brain to work if it already is dead tired from all the usual stuff no matter how important it is. A coping mechanism that helps my brain bounce back to the right track, or so I say..
Jumping on the Bandwagon
Or is it? I really don't know. Maybe now still I don't know the reason I'm doing this. And I'm always like that.
I rarely do something out of whim. It's either I've been thinking of doing it for months or I know I have my reasons that I forgot at the moment. Now it's more of the latter. Sometimes I come up with reasons spontaneously like right now I can think of several reasons.
I think I need an outlet for my random thoughts. I don't know if others also think so randomly like me and it always, always lead me to a certain realization may it be significant in my everyday life or not. What scares me is the thought that I'll forget every epiphany I had how insignificant it might be. Oh. Sometimes I write it down then ask the same questions that I ask myself to Japanese to check if what I realized made sense. Most of them, I think, just don't get why I ask out of the blue questions. I don't get it either. Moot point. It's random. Though there were only at least two Japanese who understand, probably endure and possibly appreciate me asking random things. At least there were two of them who I think don't think I'm nuts diving into the non-essential concepts.
Hmmm. Another reason? Ah. I think I need to practice writing. Since I design, mostly draw, I rarely write serious stuff except for a one or two-paragraph concept paper. Though I think designing is way, way, way satisfying than writing, I somehow feel a sense of indulgence after finishing a well-thought paper. I was a communication student major in journalism before I got stuck in designing. Is that relevant to this paragraph? I was never one of the best in class when I entered tertiary level but I think I can also write well. I even sometimes help out my friend who's a communication graduate with her compositions. I'm not bragging because I know that was just nothing. You know, just something might sound better. And I have a lot of friends who write really really well. Not that they intimidate me but I want to be like them at the least. So there, I want to practice writing aside from typing (which is another department that is really like hell to me).
Hmmm. Now I'm sleepy. Can't think straight. I'll continue from here next time,.
Are there any other reasons? Maybe, just a BIG maybe, I want people to hear me. Not really to understand me, at the least just try to hear my thoughts. Though I am very secretive, I just want my thoughts be heard by other people who are interested to know about it. I have my friends to talk with but wouldn't it also be good if a total stranger can have a piece of my mind? I don't know, I just thought about it.
Now the question, will I let the people I know know about this? I don't know. Yes I say that a lot because that's what's running through my mind at the moment. I don't know.
So, is this really about joining the bandwagon (is that right?) Maybe yes, maybe not. One thing's for sure though, I have own my reasons.
I rarely do something out of whim. It's either I've been thinking of doing it for months or I know I have my reasons that I forgot at the moment. Now it's more of the latter. Sometimes I come up with reasons spontaneously like right now I can think of several reasons.
I think I need an outlet for my random thoughts. I don't know if others also think so randomly like me and it always, always lead me to a certain realization may it be significant in my everyday life or not. What scares me is the thought that I'll forget every epiphany I had how insignificant it might be. Oh. Sometimes I write it down then ask the same questions that I ask myself to Japanese to check if what I realized made sense. Most of them, I think, just don't get why I ask out of the blue questions. I don't get it either. Moot point. It's random. Though there were only at least two Japanese who understand, probably endure and possibly appreciate me asking random things. At least there were two of them who I think don't think I'm nuts diving into the non-essential concepts.
Hmmm. Another reason? Ah. I think I need to practice writing. Since I design, mostly draw, I rarely write serious stuff except for a one or two-paragraph concept paper. Though I think designing is way, way, way satisfying than writing, I somehow feel a sense of indulgence after finishing a well-thought paper. I was a communication student major in journalism before I got stuck in designing. Is that relevant to this paragraph? I was never one of the best in class when I entered tertiary level but I think I can also write well. I even sometimes help out my friend who's a communication graduate with her compositions. I'm not bragging because I know that was just nothing. You know, just something might sound better. And I have a lot of friends who write really really well. Not that they intimidate me but I want to be like them at the least. So there, I want to practice writing aside from typing (which is another department that is really like hell to me).
Hmmm. Now I'm sleepy. Can't think straight. I'll continue from here next time,.
Are there any other reasons? Maybe, just a BIG maybe, I want people to hear me. Not really to understand me, at the least just try to hear my thoughts. Though I am very secretive, I just want my thoughts be heard by other people who are interested to know about it. I have my friends to talk with but wouldn't it also be good if a total stranger can have a piece of my mind? I don't know, I just thought about it.
Now the question, will I let the people I know know about this? I don't know. Yes I say that a lot because that's what's running through my mind at the moment. I don't know.
So, is this really about joining the bandwagon (is that right?) Maybe yes, maybe not. One thing's for sure though, I have own my reasons.
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